I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm gonna fight the coyote
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
