Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
