theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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