after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
