My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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