I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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