i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize