He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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