Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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