I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
