Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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