He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize