Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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