That's when you crack a 10am beer
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
