News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
