??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
