you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update