I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect