the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?