No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
