Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
