that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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