he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
