we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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