Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
