My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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