Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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