As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
