Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
