He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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