Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
