She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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