I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
