i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's never too late to be topless.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize