the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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