Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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