Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize