All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
