I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
