look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
