I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This house was built for laser tag.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
