Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
