Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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