Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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