If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
