I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
