bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
