someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
