Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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