My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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