i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
