so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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