Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
its not stalking. its research.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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