On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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