there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
