peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
