oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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