I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How's work?
Spinning.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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